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First Aid for Families

First Aid for Families

Disclaimer:
This site doesn’t have all the answers, but it does believe that we ought to be able to talk about some of the things that we often suffer in isolation and silence.
Please seek professional help when you need it
Places you may find professional help
Your GP
Your Pastor
Lifeline 13 11 14
The Yellow pages
Look under Counselling …
Look under Organizations – Family Welfare

Relationships like cars get flat tyres at times.  They can even have their dings! But a flat tyre is not reason to trade the car in.  You could end up with something worse.  Even new cars can get flat tyres.  Even worse, by running from the problem you fail to learn to deal with the difficulties, you are not better equipped to deal with them next time they happen – and they will.
So …

Lets Patch it up

Here are some self help questions.  If at any stage you feel you need professional help,  get it!
After all, you take your car to a mechanic, injuries to a doctor.Relationships are no different.

1. Are you committed to making this relationship work?

2. Is the conflict cyclical – has this happened before?

Example:
He arrives home late – she whines – he goes to the pub – she refuses to feed him – he smashes plates – she sleeps  in the spare room – they don’t talk to each other for 3 days – they get over it – until he arrives home late …

and it happens all over again

and again

 

 

 

 

Can you identify cycles in your relationship.  Draw them on a piece of paper.

Breaking the cycle:

The cycle is best broken at the beginning.
In our example He could phone to say he is going to be late,  She could say, “I’m glad you’re home.  I was beginning to get worried”.

What are your triggers.  How could you do things differently in the beginning of your cycle?

3. What is the problem?

Write it down on a piece of paper.  Do you both agree on this point?

i. In what ways have you contributed to the problem?

Are you willing to forgive each other for their part in the problem?
Are you willing to forgive yourself?

ii. List all the options you can think of to resolve the problem.

What are the merits and disadvantages of each?

iii. Which one do you think has the best chance of succeeding?

Attack the problem, not each other

4. What outcome would you like to end up with?  What would you need to do to get there?

Aim for the outcome you want