So You’re getting Married

Before Marriage

So you’re getting married …

Many people spend more time planning the wedding day than preparing for the marriage lifetime.

Marriage preparation is insisted on by most churches.  Our Pastor requires couples to spend a minimum of 8 to 12 hours  in marriage preparation before he will marry them.  If a person will not put time into building a marriage before they are married, they are not likely to seek help afterward, even if they need it.

Consider doing the “Prepare” inventory

Pre marriage Thinklist  (this is not a substitute for “Marriage Preparation”)

What do you like about your fiance?  Are there things you dislike?

List 6 to 8 things you share – values, interests …

In what ways are you different?

(Consider doing a professional personality profile.  It will point out differences you need to be aware of)

Do you share the same spiritual values / beliefs / interests?


Family of origin

Madam,       How does your fiance treat his mother?
How does his father treat his wife?
Would you be happy to be treated this way?

Sir,                 How does your fiance treat her father?
How does her mother treat her husband?
Would you be happy to be treated  this way

How did your and your spouse to be’s parents handle:

  •   Conflict
  •   Discipline
  •   Household tasks
  •   Showing affection (hugs and all that)


What features of your parents’ marriage do you want to be part of yours?

In what ways do you want your marriage to be different from that of your parents?

What expectations will your families have on you

  •   Financial
  •   Visiting
  •   Children

What expectations do you have on them in these areas


Construct a realistic budget showing all income and expenditure.  Don’t forget annual expenses like insurance, registration? 

How will this be affected if one of you has to stop working?
How do you plan to handle the “mine vs ours” side of money?
Which one of you handles money better



How many children have you agreed you would like to have?
How do you intend to plan your family?
How would it affect you if your had more?  If you were not able to have children?